Wednesday, January 1, 2014

My First New Year without Ritual

As usual I woke up late this morning. And after washing my face, brushing my teeth, and drinking a glass of water, I sit in front of my laptop and I'm reading my feedly. As I already predicted, my feed reader is full of new year blog post related, which is cool by the way. At first I didn't want to write anything about new year, resolution, or that kind of stuff until I read a blog post from Lea

Ritual tahun baru yang menyebalkan ini, tahun ini terasa berbeda. Bukan ritual yang saya benci. Saya malah tersenyum mendengar ayah saya mengomel tentang berbagai hal, yang lalu kami komentari dengan candaan, ngeles ke sana sini, dan dibalas dengan geleng kepala ayah saya – yang gagal dalam berusaha menyembunyikan tawa. Di antara obrolan kami, saya baru sadar, betapa keluarga saya telah melalui banyak hal, dan ini mendekatkan kami. Saya bahagia, masih memiliki rumah dan keluarga yang menyayangi saya.

*I hope she doesn't mind I quoted that. :D*

After reading that, suddenly I want to write about new year and my family's ritual.

Today is the first new year without him and it feels different. Just like what I've told Mas Jensen that it would never be the same again without my father. I don't have my usual enthusiasm welcoming new year. I'm not interested in making any resolutions anymore. And what did I do last night on new year's eve? I was sleeping with an empty feeling. I guess that was because I missed my father. I will always miss him, though. 

Unlike Lea that has her own new year's eve ritual with her family, I have none. Well, maybe starting this year that I don't have a special way on new year's eve. While my father was still around, he was the one who always came up with the idea what we're gonna do on new year's eve. Booked a cottage or a room hotel, dined at restaurant, or simply had BBQ in our home. He loved us being around him. We talked for hours or should I say we listened him talking? and laughed together. He brought us together. He taught me that spending time with family was a good thing and we should do it more often. Now I think what he had taught me for his whole life was togetherness, that family matters. 

So, Papa, I know you're not reading this, but I wish you know that I've been missing you so much. God knows how much I love you.


2 comments:

  1. Saya malah nggak punya "ritual" khusus bareng keluarga, Mbak, hehe.... Malam tahun baru tadi malah cuma saya lewatkan sendirian di kos an, hahaha....

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  2. "I have none" ???

    You still got your mum, your brother and sister, your nephew and niece. Why don't you create a new ritual with them? Or you rather mourn and wait till their *or your* time is up, and you stuck in another regret....

    It's okay to mourn, but remember to cherish the one who still around :)

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