What Makes Me Fear for Being Old

Day 129. Post a Day 2011.

Wrinkle wrinkle little star,
how on earth you come so fast?

Okay. I just made that song up.

This morning when I stood in front of the mirror, I saw a female in her mid-twenties. I saw on her face there was a wrinkle. Oh, my God! I have a wrinkle? I am old... :c

I did have told you that I was afraid of death, right? Well, next to death the thing I'm afraid of is being old. Death and being old are two things that I can't fight against. They are two things that I can't defy. They are absolute. They definitely will come to each one of human beings.

Why do I have to be afraid of being old? It is a natural thing. We're born, we grow, we old, we die. That's the cycle. Well, what I'm afraid of being old is more and more sickness are threatening me. As we grow old, our body's functions are decreasing. It makes old people (usually) have sickness. Besides, learning from my family's health history, there are diseases in my family, like hypertension, diabetes, and cancer.

It's not like I'm preparing myself to have one of those diseases (hell, of course I don't want to have any diseases!), but at least I know that I (and my siblings) am likely to have it. Diseases also run in family's blood, right? What do you call it? Well, stuff like that lah.

It makes me aware now that I have to live a clean life if I want to be healthy in my old age. I have to carefully watch what food come to my mouth. I have to do exercises. I have to be in safe environment.

I do not want when I'm old I become sick. I don't want to have diabetes, cancer, hypertension, or any other malignant diseases. I want to play with my grandchildren, sing with them, read them stories, not spending time in hospital and seeing doctors and nurses. I must prevent myself from that.

This thought didn't come in one night. I have witnessed a person that I love had undergone three surgeries in two years recently. I saw his pain. I saw he's groaning for pain. I saw he had to take so many pills and injections. It is too painful to watch. And that person is my father.

Even though I'm afraid of death and being old, I have to make peace with them. I know it. I have to accept them. As for now, at least the thing I can do is living a happy and healthy life. Not to worry much about my fears, right? Don't you think so?


  1. asiiik kimi kembali ngeblog *peluks2*

    mudah2an your loved ones, kembali sehat seperti sedia kala.

    tentang menjadi tua, kita memang ga bisa melawannya. tapi kita bisa mengusahakan menjadi tua dan tetap sehat. caranya, kita musti investasi dari sejak usia muda. nanti panennya pas usia tua deh, tetep anggun, tetep sehat bermain dengan cucu2, tetep bisa beraktivitas tanpa harus merepotkan orang lain :D

  2. some friends told me to being peace with aging is "contribution" hohoho

    anyway, glad to see Kimi right here

  3. there's a time when see old people looks happier. they got nothing to do (not so much).  and sometime I want to be like them, just lying on the sofa, and doing small stuff. But I also  read in the news paper (Jogja newspaper), lots of old people here  committed suicide.. :(


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