Yesterday morning when I just woke up the first thing I did was grabbing my tab. I checked any social media that I had. After updating status here and there, I watched TED videos. One that really caught my attention was a video from Christopher Ryan talking about human's sexual preferences. "Are we designed to be sexual omnivores?" was the title for his talk. Very catchy title, heh?
Actually yesterday I already tweeted what about I'm gonna write here, but I think this topic is too sexy, too interesting, to be missed out and not write about it here on my blog. Or maybe I was just too bugged about this and couldn't get it out of my head. Either way, I think I need to write it down.
So, let me start from what Chris said in his closing statement, "It's time we moved beyond Mars and Venus, because the truth is that men are from Africa and women are from Africa." For those of you who believe in evolution theory, you may already know that our ancestors were from Africa before they spread out across the globe. They went to phases, like hunting, gathering, farming, and so on. Even though we're distanced from them like hundreds of thousands years, they still leave us a legacy imprinted in our DNA, in this case is our sexual preferences.
That's why Chris said that men and women were from Africa. Our behavior, our sexual preferences, more or less are innate from our ancestors. Back then when they live in a band, as nomads, maybe in farming phase, they are sexual omnivores. They have sex with everyone. They live promiscuous sex life. And because of that, when we're now living in a society where we can see people with their nonconventional sex life, like homosexual, polyamorous union, or else, we shouldn't raise our eyebrows and look at them cynically. We don't need to curse them, intimidate them, punish them, ostracize them, or discriminate them. What we need is to understand them. Just like what Chris explained:
"... And so what I'm arguing against it's the shame that associated with desires. It's the idea that if you love your husband or wife but you still attracted to other people, there's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with your marriage, something wrong with your partner. I think a lot of families are fractured by unrealistic expectations that are based upon this false vision of human sexuality."
Okay. I agree with this. I think it's okay to admire or to like seeing a handsome and sexy man (I'm pointing my finger at you, Rafael Nadal!) or a beautiful lady. Who doesn't like a handsome man or a beautiful lady, anyway? But, that doesn't mean necessarily we have to follow our animal instinct by asking them to have sex with us or ask them to be our mistress while we're already having a relationship with someone. We are cultural animal, according to Roy F. Baumeister. Because we're cultured we should have capability to control our desires and behaviors.
*thanks to Kitin for giving me this pic
What Chris is trying to make his point, I understand it and completely agree. We have to respect other people's way of life, their sexual preferences. But, only because I respect them that doesn't mean I agree with them. I mean, it's their lives and they can do whatever they want to do with their lives. In the end all choices that we make, the consequences will come back to us. Human beings have survived this long because we have reasoning. So, we have to use it wisely. :)
Let me close this blog post by quoting Dr. Raymond Langston:
DNA is not destiny, that's what's always I've told myself.
Last but not least, be thoughtful.
p.s.: and after in the morning I watched Chris' TED talk, last night I watched House season 6 episode 19. This episode was a story about a married couple living an open marriage. I was like... Huh? :| Was it a coincidence? Or maybe a sign? Was universe trying to give me some jokes? :|