Day 36. Post a Day 2011.
Dear God,
I fear death. Because to me death means all my connections to world are cut off. All kinds of worldly pleasures I can't enjoy anymore. I can't eat good food, watch good movies, listen to Frank Sinatra's songs, read good books, and many others. I also can't play with my three-year-old niece.
Yes, I'm afraid I'll be dead.
I'm afraid that later in my grave my smooth skin will be eaten by worms, maggots, and their friends. I'm scared that later soil and darkness are the only my friends that I have.
I do fear death, God. It chills me every time I think that You may put me in hell instead of heaven, even though I don't cheat, steal, kill, or do any malicious actions. Just because of small mistakes that I make, You put me in hell. So, what's the point any good deeds that I've done then?
But here I do not mean to sue You about hell and heaven, or protest about sin or merit concept. They are Your creations. It's up to You to which one place You're going to put people later in Judgment Day, whether it will be heaven or hell.
All I want to say is I'm afraid of death. In other words, I'm afraid of getting old. I hate getting old each day, each week, each month, each year. It means by getting old is getting closer I'll be to death. Not to mention all these wrinkles that I will have through years.
Thus, I don't mind being a vampire. I don't mind exchanging my life I have now and convert it in to immortality. Sounds selfish, huh? I know, but that is the truth.
So, God, until the day I die finally will come, at least let me enjoy today as fun as I can without getting worried too much about being-burried thought.
Let me finish this letter with a serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
Thank You for reading my letter, God.
I am also afraid of death. But not my death (although I have to admit I also have the fear for it!) rather it's the death of people whom I dear so much. I dont know how to handle it and cope with it. I never like farewell, well who does, right? :-(
ReplyDeleteIt's for God.. So I can not comment huh? :D
ReplyDeleteOf course you can give your comment, Mbak. :)
ReplyDeleteI hate farewell. :(
ReplyDelete