Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Letter #1: Try to Love You

Day 32. Post a Day 2011.

Dear God,

Are You busy? Do You have time to read my letter? Well, I know You are busy, but at least You have time, right? You're God after all. I hope You'll read my letter for the next one month.

Today is the first day of February. People say February is a month of love because it has Valentine's Day. So, this is my main reason to write You a letter. Each day. For the whole February. To show you that I love You, or try to love You.

I guess You don't mind receiving my letters and reading them, do You?

For beginning, I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for keeping a distance from You, for we're not being close anymore. I don't want to say that I lose my faith, since I still believe hell and heaven. But, it's just... Ah, let's just say that I'm in crossroads.

God, let me be honest with You. Even though You know even the smallest thing in people's heart (that's what people said to me), but there is no harm I'm saying this to You, I think.

Here's the thing. I have to admit that being close to You is just as hard as being away from You. I mean, there were my religious times (when I couldn't separate myself from You and always thought about You) but in the end I was getting tired of myself. Too much dogmas, sermons, and such that don't fit me. They are against my conscience.

But, being away from You, I feel tired also. I'm tired of this guilty feeling. I'm tired getting chased by sins.

My point is I don't live in comfort. I don't really enjoy my life anymore.

So, God, if You do exist and now You are reading this letter somewhere, sitting in Your throne, I beg You... Please, show me Your light... and mercy. I want to love You. I want to try to love You again. I really do.


3 comments:

  1. He DOES exist. Try pause for a moment each day and listen to His voice. He is yearning to talk to you :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. tuhan mah maha segalanya, mbak...percayalah...never hesitate.

    ReplyDelete

Please, say something with real names. But, NO SPAM and NO ANONYMOUS. Thank you. ^^;