Saturday, March 17, 2012

[Song] Spark

First time I'd heard this song when I was in four/fifth grade in elementary school. I immediately fell in love with it. I loved its music. The music was so sweet. I think the piano made it sweet. And I love Tori Amos' vocal. Her voice just added more sweetness in "Spark". 

To all of you who never hear the song, here I insert the video clip. I hope you don't mind to click 'play' and listen this beautiful song. :)






Funny thing is even though this is one of my most favorite songs of all time, the urge to find what's the meaning behind the lyrics only came recently. After fourteen years! Hah! 

So, before I tell you what the song means, let me give you the song lyrics first for you to sing. Or maybe you want to interpret it on your own. 




She's addicted to nicotine patches
She's addicted to nicotine patches
She's afraid of the light in the dark
6:58 are you sure where my spark is
Here, here, here

She's convinced she could hold back a glacier
But she couldn't keep Baby alive
Doubting if there's a woman in there somewhere
Here, here, here

You say you don't want it again
And again but you don't don't really mean it
You say you don't want it
This circus we're in but you don't don't really mean it
You don't really mean it 


If the Divine master plan is perfection
Maybe next I'll give Judas a try
Trusting my soul to the ice cream assassin
Here, here, here

You say you don't want it again
And again but you don't don't really mean it
You say you don't want it
This circus we're in but you don't don't really mean it
You don't really mean it


How many fates turn around in the overtime
Ballerinas that have fins that you'll never find
You thought that you were the bomb yeah
Well so did I
Say you don't want it
Say you don't want it
Say you don't want it again
And again but you don't really mean it
Say you don't want it
This circus we're in
But you don't you don't really mean it
You don't really mean it

She's addicted to nicotine patches
She's afraid of the light in the dark
6:58 are you sure where my spark is
Here



This song actually is about Tori's loss of her baby. She had a miscarriage. She denied herself that she didn't want the baby. She kept saying "You say you don't want it", but actually "You don't meant it". She'd toughen herself by denying. 

For me the most sad lines are:




She's convinced she could hold back a glacier
But she couldn't keep Baby alive



:c 

And my favorite lines are:




If the Divine master plan is perfection
Maybe next I'll give Judas a try
Trusting my soul to the ice cream assassin



I'm not quite sure what those lines actually meant. I read somewhere that "the ice cream assassin" refers to God. Well, if that's true then my guess is those lines were about Tori had been cynical to God or religion. She trusted her soul (or maybe "her soul" here means her baby's life?) to God, but in the end God had disappointed her. She lost her baby, remember? 

God should not make mistakes. God is perfect. Maybe that what "If the Divine Master plan is perfection" means. God should've protected her baby, not let the baby died. And for Tori that was the Divine Master plan is not perfect. To put it simply, she was angry with God.

To be honest with you, after I've found out the meaning of this song, I feel goosebumps every time I hear this song. Sad, but also I have respect for Tori. I admire her struggle after miscarriage. She fought her anger. She made this song, didn't she? And from this song I've learnt that losing a baby must be a tough call for all mothers out there. I can't imagine if that happens to me. For Godsake, please do not let that happen.

I don't have my own kids. Not yet. But, I can feel mother's love. I mean, I have four nieces and six nephews, and I love them all. I often have this imagination that they're all my children. Other times I imagine that how much I want to raise them by myself. And, I don't want to lose them. So, if my love for my nieces and nephews is that much, I wonder how much love I will give to my own children?

Okay, now out of the topic. Another insight about this song is now I wish I could write songs, sing, and play musical instruments. I wish God gave me a music talent. I mean, if I had talent in music, every time I had problems or when I was sad, happy, histerical, or anything, I could make songs. To pour my feelings into lyrics and music. How awesome is that?! Just like Tori Amos did with "Spark". Or other musicians with their works.

Now, suddenly I have my own interpretation about "If the Divine Master plan is perfection". Seriously.


1 comment:

  1. kelas 5 SD selera musiknya sudah kayak gitu ? *wondering*

    dan ah ya tak perlu bisa alat musik untuk mengekspresikan perasaan kan, cukup lewat tulisan semacam ini, atau kalaupun pengen ya coba bikin lirik, nanti saya mainkan gitarnya *gimana caranya coba :|

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